Everyone stood frozen in time staring up into the sky as nails rained down from above. The ocean had begun spewing out nails right after the series finale of ‘Lost’. As if to say, “I’m way better than that island,” or “Here’s a fucking mystery for you.”

Thirty seconds later it became quite apparent just how enchanted the onlookers were by the rust cascading through the atmosphere that they were now attached to the pavement like shingles on a roof.

This phenomenon sparked the invention of the back hammer part. Before that, rescue teams had a trained K-9 unit that would attempt to gnaw the body parts away from the nails. Many people were buried looking like the victim of a vicious dog attack, but the viewer would be much the wronger. For the dogs were like guardian angels. Guardian angels that chew the shit out of human flesh nailed to the pavement.

As beautiful as this story sounds, all in all it was still a bad day for surfing.

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