“Why exactly is there a ruler in my ass?” Hector asked after coming home late from poker night.

“Because I want to see just how much shit you’re about to spew!” said his girlfriend.

“Well, ain’t that something,” Hector said.

“No that ain’t something. That’s a fucking ruler in your ass, dipshit!” Hector’s girlfriend yelled.

Hector’s eyes got all bug-eyed and he started growing a beard.

“What the fuck are you doing growing a beard?!” his girlfriend asked.

“You wanna shove a ruler up my ass, then I’m gonna grow a beard like I’ve always wanted.”

“Well look who decided to grow a pair of fucking balls!” his girlfriend pointed out.

Moments later there was a knock on the door, but nobody answered it. The man, a Jehova Witness, had let himself into Hector’s house.

“Hi I’m Scott,” the Jehova Witness said.

“Hey Scott. Check out the back of her throat,” said Hector.

Scott was looking at Hector straddling his girlfriend on the couch with his balls deep in the back of her esophagus with a ruler hanging out of his ass. Just then his girlfriend pulled the ruler out of his ass and shit flew all over the coffee table. Then she bit down and ripped his balls off and swallowed them whole. As she stood up she slammed him through the coffee table where he ended up on the floor covered in blood, broken glass and shit.

His girlfriend pointed at him and explained, “My house, my rules, motherfucker!”

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