Leroy was repairing his toilet when the whole thing exploded, shooting water throughout the entire bathroom. Leroy took a closer look where the toilet once stood to find the cause for such an explosion.
What he found was a a deep hole at least hundreds of feet below the Earth. Quickly Leroy ran to put on his mountain climbing gear and carefully made his descent down the dark passage beneath his toilet.
It seemed to be a never-ending hole then he began to hear loud clanging noises. As he drew nearer Leroy noticed what appeared to be a chanting of some sort going on. As Leroy attempted to push his head closer to where the noise was coming from his safety latch came undone and he tumbled to the bottom of the hole.
Leroy stood up and stared at a goldmine full of gold all around him. A thin man with a long white beard and round spectacles came to greet him. “We have been expecting you,” the man said.
Leroy still quite confused asked, “Who are you?”
“I’m the alchemist,” the man responded.
“Where did all this gold come from?” asked Leroy.
“What we do is take all of your human waste and turn it into gold,” said the alchemist.
All around, Leroy saw hundreds of men operating ancient machinery and chanting as they performed the necessary rituals to turn his fecal matter into gold.
As a child Leroy’s dad told him stories of a war taking place inside the Earth. A war between the aliens of RS11005B and the aliens of Earth. The aliens of RS11005B reached Earth when their pods landed deep inside the Earth instead of on it. The Earth aliens were sent to prevent them from ever reaching the surface. The government not wanting the human population to know about this, and send them into a massive state of hysteria, hid it from the public.
The alchemist’s role was to supply funding for the Earth aliens. This was achieved by using the fecal matter of millions of humans to turn into gold.
Leroy climbed back up that hole knowing that his shit was going to a good cause. The next day Leroy purchased a new toilet and switched to a high fiber diet to help his new friends.