Justine had a love for koala bears unmatched by anyone in her nursing home. Even though she was just nineteen she wanted nothing more than to be an  old, feeble dying lady.

That’s why her heart sank when the warden came in and punched her in the face with words like, “You’re too young for this game sister.”

Justine walked out of the facility defeated but remembered what she had done in order to live amongst the koala bears when she was in Japan. Eagerly she ran up to the thickest tree she could find and vigorously started sharpening her nails against it. Justine blew the dust off her fingernails to display ten razor-sharp weapons she called, ‘The Fingernails of Destruction with a Side of Destruction’.

With a smile on her face she took in her surroundings and noticed an elderly woman playing double dutch with two inner city kids. Justine paid the kids to get lost and drug the elderly woman into the alley.

Devastating howls were heard for miles as Justine skinned the elderly woman alive with her ‘Fingernails of Destruction with a Side of Destruction’. Her motive was clear now. Justine carefully fitted herself with the old lady’s saggy bag of skin and headed towards the nursing home.

She had a feeling of overwhelming completeness just like she did when she conquered Super Mario Brothers 1/Duck Hunt. She pulled out her little notebook and placed a check next to: Discover the Meaning of Life.


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