The only good thing about Nick getting stabbed in the face 36 times was that it was his birthday. That and he hated getting punched in the arm. His face would grow back, he was ok with that. He wasn’t ok with not being able to use his arm for a few minutes due to the excruciating pain of being punched.

It seemed so unnatural for someone to slug his arm with wild abandon to celebrate the day he slid out of a vagina. But he was beginning to learn about the oddness that lays not so deep inside the inhabitants of Earth. Nick’s friend Darnell was one of those inhabitants. He stopped by to visit. Nick opened the door and said,
“Hi Darnell.”

“What did someone stab you in the face 36 times?” Darnell asked.

“It’s better than a bruised arm,” Nick muttered as they walked inside.

Nick’s wife ran up to him and said, “Honey! Come out back we all have a big surprise for you!”

Nick’s friends and family gathered around to see the surprised look on Nick’s bloody face. Nick took one look at his gift and immediately started yelling “No! No! No!”

Sitting in the backyard in the glistening sun was a brand new Volkswagen Beetle. Then like uncivilized barbarians everyone began punching him in the arm yelling “Punch buggy red!”

Nick buckled in pain and screamed, “My arm hurts!”

Darnell being a good friend said “I’ll fix it for you” and started stabbing Nick in the face again.

A couple of days later Nick was laying in bed and his wife came up to him and said, “You know you would look pretty hot if it weren’t for all of those bruises on your arm.”

Nick tried to smile and said, “I know.”

His wife leaned over and said, “I’m sorry honey, I can barely hear you. What’s that? I think the cluster of stab wounds on your face got in the way again.”

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