Dale couldn’t stop behaving like an armadillo. After all it was the only thing he aspired to be in life. He knew nothing was certain except the possibility of becoming an armadillo.

He would eat breakfast real sloppy like an armadillo. He would even change the channels on the television like an armadillo would. But one day he went too far and started playing drums like an armadillo. This caused his mother to spontaneously combust from the awesomeness.

People knew that watching him play drums like an armadillo could cause them to explode so they were required to sign a waiver. He quickly garnered a huge following. Fans everywhere flocked to his being.

“Armadillo man will you sign my brother’s exploded face?” asked one eager fan.

Another rabid fan gave Dale his girlfriend’s combusted intestines as a gift. Dale put it on and wears it as a necklace wherever he goes.

Time magazine voted him the most intriguing person in the history of cavemen. The cover page featured a photo of Dale in tight leather pants with no shirt on and his intestines necklace dangling from his neck. There was also a cheetah clawing at his left side and a Swedish bikini model clawing at his right side. And coming out of the crotch of his pants was a giant armadillo dressed as the grim reaper.

The headline read, “Armadillo Man. Making Motherfuckers Explode.”


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